Nobody is born with some specific tools to become as persuasive as, say, Barack Obama or some televangelists. Clearly, communication skills are acquired. Normal infants are born with the ability to produce sound, but for them to learn effective communication skills would take proper education and practice.
Listening, speaking and our ability to understand verbal and nonverbal signs are skills we develop in various ways. The foundation of our communication skills are formed by observing individuals and emulating their perceived best behaviors. Effective communication skills are also acquired through schooling, and by exercising those skills and having them assessed.
Persons who are linked to one another by common experiences, making them dependent on each other, are capable of interpersonal communication. It’s a tougher task, however, to keep the channels of communication smooth in spite of their contrasting personalities and principles. This is where the clich?d ‘art of conversation’ plays an important role.
Becoming a compelling communicator would require more than just rhetoric or overcoming speech anxiety (or stage fright). In our desire to be heard, we often overlook the importance of listening, which is one communication skill we should cultivate.
Listening would help us deal with people who have temper problems and the know-it-alls, and even help resolve verbal tussles. Listening shows us the proper response to particular conflict triggers.
You might guide the other person into talking about solutions or a compromise by saying:
1. ‘Now that we both understand the issue better, let’s see if we can come up with some solutions that will make both of us happy.’
2. ‘I’m sure we can iron out our differences on this problem.’
3. ‘I can understand that you feel that everything is getting dumped on you. If we both take a look at all the work that needs to be done, I’m sure we can work out a better way to share the load.’
4. ‘When you’re not happy, I’m not happy. Let’s start talking again so that we can figure out a way to get this relationship back on track.’
And how about Barack Obama’s ‘I will listen to you, especially when we disagree’ promise?
The more inoffensive feedback you tell someone who is speaking, the more valued he will feel – that’s because people naturally feel good when they get positive reaction from others.
Effective communication does not simply result from the acquisition of listening and speaking skills. One has to observe proper manners as well. That’s why Barack Obama and some televangelists are quite persuasive.